Technical ironies!!!!!!!!!

During my final days in the college, me and raj had the privilege of enjoying the first grade technical comedies. In our pre final sem a crackpot handled one of our subjects....Ya U will realise why i call him THE CRACKPOT!!!! Lets call him Mr Kuppai. Kuppai had enrolled himself for M.Tech in our college and he had to handle classes for undergraduates as part of his course agreement.

Kuppai was in his final semester and he desperately wanted to do some project. He somehow zeroed in on the topic IPv6 protocol. Let me not tell u what he was trying to achieve, because that was useless....He decided that JAVA will be his programming language, coz someone told him, it is easy to handle IPv6 in JAVA....


Now all set, topic was decided, language decided, but how to go about it???? Our Kuppai neither knows a programming language nor does he knows the working of computers....Well let me remind u, he was doing his Master of Technology in Computer Science and Engineering....

I don't know what Raj had against me then, he just went ahead and mentioned my name as the only person who can handle IPv6 in JAVA. IPv6 or even IPv4 or be it anything i knew nothing :) :)...all i knew to do was to add two numbers in java!!!!!!!!

When Mr Kuppai first related his requirement to me, i was reluctant. Boss, i am already busy with my own stuffs, and i am in the final year, its time to party and not to slog...One fine morning very early (ya around 8am), Mr Kuppai called me. I was sleeping....

To this day, whenever someone disturbs my sleep, i make sure, their day is spoiled....And that day was no exception.


Kuppai: Good morning. என்னடா தூங்கிட்டு இர்ருகிய? (Are u sleeping?)
Me: இல்ல கக்கூஸ் போயிட்டு இருந்தேன் . (no i was shitting)
குப்பை: சாரி டா டிஸ்டேர்ப் பண்ணிட்டேனா ? (sorry. Did i disturb u?)
Me: அதன் தெரியுதுல அப்பறம் என்ன சாரி? என்ன வேணும்? (u knew u disturbed me...why sorry? what do u want?)


i felt he never had any dignity to maintain neither self esteem....he was still laughing.

Kuppai: எப்போ என்னோட ப்ரொஜெக்ட முடுச்சு தர போற? (when are u going to get my project completed?)

Me: யோவ்!!!! நா எப்போ உன்னக்கு ப்ராஜெக்ட் பண்ணி தரேனு சொன்னேன்? நீ பாட்டுக்கு கேக்குற? முதல்ல போன வெச்சு தொல. (Yov!!!! when did i tell u i would take care of your project? Just keep the phone down!!!)


I hanged the phone furiously and slept. I knew very well this fella had 50 marks of mine in his hand. maybe i was too arrogant about my capability to score or i was too disturbed in sleep, i am not able to reason out til date, why i spoke in that manner....but i have no regrets till date!!! :):)


Well as days went by, i was not able to stand his torcher and buffoonish activities, that ultimately i agreed to finish his code. It took me a week to complete it. I gave him a demo on an evening and felt that the trouble was over.....


The next day noon, when me and raj were chatting, i received a call from mr kuppai.


Kuppai: என்னைய code எழுதிருக்க? compile பண்ண 1000 error சொல்லுது. உண்ணலாம் போய் பெரிய programmer நு வேற சொல்றாங்க. மேல 3 floor ல இருக்கேன். வா. (what the hell u have written as code? if i compile there are 1000 lines of code. how come people say u are a great programmer? I am in 3rd floor come upstairs)


I was furious and puzzled. Furious coz this crackpot abused and questioned me. Puzzled coz, the code i gave him had only 300 lines with comments. 1000 lines of error!!!! I told raj and left for 3rd floor. Their our hero gave me a heated welcome.


When i went there i was surprised to see a blue screen on which my code was present. I had never seen such a editor for JAVA programs. On closer look i found it to be TURBO C. BINGO!!!! mr kuppai was trying to compile the JAVA program in a C compiler. And why not 1000, it can throw a million errors. By then kuppai started screaming


kuppai: என்னைய தப்பான code கொடுத்துட்டு எமத்தரிய? ( are u cheating me by giving the wrong code?)

me: இது C compiler. JAVA இதுல compile ஆகாது. (this is a c Compile, JAVA will not get compiled)
I was not able to this and had to blabber to myself(MS).
MS: ஆமான் டா உன்னதான் உலகம் தேடிட்டு இர்ருக்கு....உன்னக்கு எல்லாம் எப்படி டா சீட் கொடுத்தாங்க? சவடிகரன் நே இவன்!!!

Kuppai: அதெல்லாம் இல்ல. compiler நா compile பண்ணனும்இல. இது ஏன் compile பண்ணல? (no its not like that. Compiler should compile. why this is not compiling?)

MS: ஆமா பெரிய கண்டு பிடிப்பு. டேய் உன்னையெல்லாம் அல்கொய்தால சிக்க வைக்கணும் டா!!!!

Me: Java வா இப்படி compile பண்ண கூடாது. DOS prompt open பண்ணுங்க. (JAVA should not be compiled like this. Open DOS prompt.)


kuppai: டேய் இது windows xp டா. இதுல dos லாம் வராது. (this is windwos XP. There is no dos prompt) I felt like crying!!!!
MS: டேய் நீ நடிகரிய? இல்ல உண்மைலேயே இப்படிதானா?

Me: சொல்றத செய்ங்க. ctrl + r press பன்னுங்க. இப்போ command நு டைப் பண்ணுங்க. (do as i say. now press ctrl + r. type command)

As he pressed enter the command prompt did open, well to Mr Kuppai's surprise.

Kuppai: இதுல இதெல்லாம் இருகாயா? அநேகமா இது windows xp client நு நேனைகறேன்.
(oh!!! so it has these things? i think this is windows xp client edition!!!!)
MS: அம்மாம்ம்னே நீங்க டேன் விண்டோஸ் கேர்ணல் எழுதுனது. வருஷ படுத்தி சொல்றாரு!!!!!
WOW!!!! What a man!!!!! Even Bill gates wouldn't have done such a wild guess!!!:):)

me: யோவ். தெர்ளன தெர்லன்னு சொல்லுயா. ஏன் யா உளர்ற? (if u don't know keep quiet? don't blabber)

MS: ஐயோ ராமா!!!!என்ன என் இந்தா மாறி கலுசற பசங்கலோடலம் கூட்டு சேர வெக்கற?


kuppai: என்னயா இப்படி சொல்லிட? சரி எப்படி பண்ணனும்னு சொல்லு?
(ok tell me how to compile?)

After that he kept his mouth shut and i just told him how to compile the code and gave him a demo and came back to my class....

Voila....that was indeed a great experience for me..... i then realised the irony every technical support guy would be undergoing!!!!!