KUTTANS Connection

Exactly a year and two months before i heard "KUTTAN" for the first time in my life. Today it has become more familiar. It it the only word that makes me laugh even in my worst dreams. Let me tell u what i understood from the word KUTTAN. In Malayalam KUTTAN means a younger brother or a small boy.

I have a project manager in my team who address, all men irrespective of caste,color, creed, language,nationality as KUTTAN. Though initially we all respected him, as time went by we realised why there is not even a trace of hair/brain in his head. He is the most egoistic troublesome guy i have seen in my entire life so far.

His favorite dialogue is "KUTTAN MAY BE RIGHT ONLY, BUT MY FEELING I WILL TELL U..."......Boss who wanted your feelings????

Well he is not going to listen to u. Well, if you tell him that u need to use the toilet if not once in a day, at least once in a week....he will reply as "KUTTAN MAYBE RIGHT ONLY, BUT MY FEELING IS THAT, U NEED NOT USE IT AT ALL".

To tell u abt him briefly, he has no liking for food, money, women, computers, books, machines, two wheelers, four wheelers, name anything he doesn't like them. He is yet to get married. At this point i need to tell u he is beyond 40 and incorrigible. Well, what does he want then....His rules are simple
1) I will not listen to others
2) I will help only malayalies
3) I hate tamils
4) I will not learn new things
5) I will trouble the persons who doesn't listen to me....
I cannot tell u everything he does...but i just wanted to share a few antics he does regularly...


Once we were all gearing up for a team training session. The cafeteria was just a floor above our ODC. So it was always a practice to visit the cafe and then visit our training hall.... Our kuttan is always energetic, and when it comes to training he always carries few papers, notebooks(dont think it is a laptop...boss, this fella doesn't even know how to check the missed calls log in his mobile) etc...god alone know why he carries that....


On that day too, he went to cafe, got a cup of coffee and came down....before i go further i need to tell u few geographical things abt our office. When we climb down the stairs from the cafe, to our right is the training hall and to our left is our ODC. when we take the passage to our right, we will be greeted with two doors on either side of the passage that are often referred as heavens on earth. Yes friends these are the restrooms for the two prominent genders. On the left of the passage, the first door would be the rest room for the ladies, and the second door is the training hall....


In came our hero with coffee in one hand and some notepads in another hand. He went to the ladies room and was trying to open the door. I was already shocked. He called onto a fellow
teammate(TM) who was standing next to me...


kuttan: open this door, u have access right?
TM: what!!!!????
kuttan:yes kuttaaa open this door, we have training here and we are getting late.

Training in a ladies restroom???!!!!! Pictures of ladies beating him black and blue was already before my eyes and i was happily smiling....By now my team mate lost his wits....he had to pull him from the place and explain him the details, as to what the door is for and who can enter the door....that was a great experience for us....

Our kuttan is very specific about communication that concerns him...On a fine evening before the close of business, he was telling a colleague of mine "send me a mail. Make sure it reaches me". What does this guy mean by "make sure it reaches me"??? Not only me, then entire team was fathomed by such great words!!!!!


After sometime, we realised what that really meant. Our kuttan is so specific about time that, he has one strange habit. When ever he sends a mail, immediately he will come to our desk and tell us " i have sent u a mail, have u received it?"...this will happen even before the mail gets out of his OUTBOX. Hope u too understood what "make sure it reaches me" means. The next time, when u send a SMS or a mail, make sure it reaches the destined person.


Few weeks back my colleagues X and Y were working on a module. Since they were running out of time, one more colleague Z of mine joined the league in troubleshooting. Soon Z fixed the issue. In came our kuttan, enquired the status...he was astound to hear that things are fine. He immediately congratulated X and Y and didn't bother to say thanks to Z. This has become a comic gesture of recognising person. Now if i do something, my PL will congratulate my team mate :) :) :)....

His antics are countless, recently there was a customer visit. We had various discussions, our kuttan was ready with a large number of questions. He started his questioning session.
Kuttan: "hi XXX, this is a very interesting question. @!##&@^#%^%#^%#^%#^%"
customer: "834734834^&^%&^%"
before our customer could complete...
Kuttan:"thank you XXX. We will see the next question. It is again an interesting question..."

this went on for all the question...This fella doesn't even have the courtesy to listen to the answer till the customer completes. Don't think, our kuttan understood everything. This bald headed fella doesn't cant even understand a basic programming concept. He requires a board, marker and five days to understand the logic of addition of two numbers.

One fine evening, there was some serious issue in one of the module, people were looking forward for our kuttan's help, at least his words of wisdom on how to approach. BOY OH!!!! BOY!!! many people doesn't know our kuttan not only lacks hair, but the brain too :))))

The next day the issue was fixed easily by some T. In came out kuttan as usual, enquired the status and he said, " OH! great, U have started working without experts help!!!!". Now the question is who is the expert? Don't think too much our KUTTAN is the expert here :) :) :).....People often tell me that u need have a self esteem....our KUTTAN really has a great SELF ESTEEM for himself.... :):):)

such are his buffoonish activities....i will keep updating his antics time and again whenever i remember one or experience a new one.